Tuesday, November 20, 2007

the truth

The truth is that I'm a broken girl. I have hurts and pains and aches and the best way that I try to escape them is by sleeping it off, vegging in front of the tv, or by doing things- serving others, putting on a face. But I admit that I hide so many things instead of boasting in my weaknesses.

my weaknesses: boys, my huge pride, insecurity about how i appear (physically and my attitude), procrastination, food (especially sweets), selfishness, absolute incompetence when it comes to money management, my own messiness, laziness, disrespect for others, my lack of motivation in school and moving forward in life after school... I am a mess of a human being.

my pain: right now the biggest thing that gets me is that in the past year my family has been ripped at the seams. My dad will be spending Christmas in Seattle alone. It doesn't even feel like Christmas without him. I am actually kind of dreading thanksgiving and the season in general because of that.

please DO feel sorry for me because in and of myself, my state is a hopeless one. one thing i remember coming out of my mouth this summer as i talked about my family situation was something like, 'the best part about Jesus is that there is no such thing as a hopeless situation.' But I know that God meant for me to hear those words said aloud. I am not hopeless. Everyday I realize more and more the state of my own depravity and then the grace and mercy of a big God, who didn't give up hope on me but sent His son Jesus to die on a cross for me in my place, bearing my sin and my messi-ness. My faith in Him is about as big as a mustard seed but He said it's enough.

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