Saturday, November 24, 2012

On not being too sure about this...

I'm not sure about online dating.  I'm notoriously picky when it comes to boys guys men.  Going to a small church doesn't really help my case at all in the dating category.  Friends have suggested going to a bigger church like Buckhead church or Passion City Church...but that feels like it would be a huge compromise.

So does online dating.  It feels like compromise.  I admit to not being 100% sure about it, or even 70% sure for that matter. The biggest fear about it is that it will be a big waste of time and money.  I am trying, really trying to put myself out there. At times, I am excruciatingly picky with the profiles I see (all starting to blur together at this point=except 90% of guys 'like to have a good time.') because I feel like going out on a date with someone who doesn't even mention God in the narrative would be a waste...I could be wrong about that.    Other times, I am not as picky, granting myself a little more free range, a chance to judge compatibility in person, mano e mano.  I am trying to give myself some room to fail too...yes, I needed to type that out as a reminder to myself.

I've hated the idea of online dating in the past...really because of failure.  I've said it's because of this or that...but if I'm really honest, the biggest reason is that nothing has worked out so far.

Here's my other beef ('re welcome):

  • a) I get emotionally attached fairly quickly, which has lead to b)being let down by zero to little physical chemistry upon the arranged meeting (even if I'm not attracted to the person, on more than one occasion, I've entered into the relationship hoping that physical attraction would never did).  I've learned that physical attraction is important, though I wouldn't have given it as much credit 5 years ago.  
  • Another reason I dislike it is because, really, how can you put yourself on a website?  I'm a human being.  How do I fit my person onto a dinky little narrative on a webpage, or any other person for that matter?  And that's the deal I've made with myself.  I've got to give others the same benefit of the doubt that I give to myself.  

I'm becoming more and more ok about not being 100% sure about this online dating thing (again).  I don't know for sure that it's the best thing, and it may in fact be a bigger 'compromise' than going to a rock show church with lots of 'single professionals.'  But I can justify it now because online dating does not really subtract from time that I spend with my church family.  That's the most solid reasoning I can come up with for chosing the 'compromise' of online dating versus rock show church.

Part of the reason online dating feels like compromise is that it feels like I've given up on 'trusting God' to bring the right man along.   I don't think that's true though.  I know that God sees me.  He's not forgotten me and He knows the desires of my heart.  He knows exactly what I need and will provide what I need when necessary.  In the meantime, I am asking, seeking, and knocking, like He said to do.  And I've not stopped living either.  I still eat, drink, run, play, travel, work, save, spend, give like I've been doing. I intend to continue doing the same, even if I'm not certain.  Life is not as black and white as I used to think.

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