it hurts my heart.

I made the choice this past Tuesday to peruse some of the blogs I normally read for their response to the gay marriage debacle going on 2 weeks ago due to the decision in NC and the President's response to it (that's not what this post is about, b-t-dubs). I wound up at Rachel Held Evans' blog reading not only her response to the happenings of the week, but also a few other linked posts.   By the time I decided to stop reading, I was nearly in tears.

It's not the particular issue that gets me upset, but I've realized that what really upsets me is reading the stories of people who leave the church because they were hurt by individual church members for one reason or another. I am by no means an innocent party.  I've not loved or listened or cared as I should have.  I have friends who have left the church (and consequently Jesus) for one reason or another.

I also have held the opinion that those people should "just get over it" and come back.   Sarah Bessey's post and a handful of others have helped me to see that it's not so easy.  It requires grace to forgive.  And trust me, I know forgiveness requires some help from something outside ourselves. Still asking for this help myself.

I don't think that I could adequately express my heart over it in this space...it's much messier than these words...I've hit the delete button a lot.   Here's the thing: I'm sorry.  I am so sorry that you have been hurt.  I've always heard people say that hurt[adj] people hurt[v] other people.  And it's so true.  

And now I point you to Him who binds up the brokenhearted and will wipe all tears.