Friday, April 11, 2008

some 'ugh' moments

It is my hope that this space will be used for God's glory through the encouragement of my readers (all 2 of you!). I also stand in conviction that honesty and transparency with people at the right time brings glory to God.

I will start by saying that this week has been a complete rollercoaster ride. I went from crying in hysterics to God, not knowing if I could even venture outside of my room and interact with real people, to the stressful decision about whether to go to the baseball game on wednesday, to complete and total complacency about finishing well in school. These days will continue to host a myriad of emotions as I finish my time here at tech.

I also waver between self-hate because of my many weaknesses, which leads to selfishness and conceit through vain attempts to cover them up, and complete surrender to Christ, which leads to hope. This has been the norm over the past...year, I think. In this moment, I am thankful that Jesus loves me. I am convinced that His great act of love towards us is enough. I long to be convinced of this in more of my moments and my days. Sometimes I feel like I just want to give up. Maybe this rollercoaster ride is part of being a girl. Maybe it's part of being human.

So, here's to Jesus not asking me to be perfect.

"A little child who does not know how to walk is not astonished at stumbling and falling with each step taken." - Brennan Manning