Tuesday, January 22, 2008

moments and singleness...

my fair warning to you: this may be taken as whining or complaining or the like but by the grace of God it will be a profitable read.

singleness: I am at once thankful for it because I have more freedom with what I do with my time and resources, as well as lonely. It's like I feel as if there's this part of me missing. Maybe I just need encouraging each day and I also long to do that for someone else. Patience is an interesting lesson. It's like I don't even want to just occupy my time while I'm waiting. I want to live. I want to experience things and meet new people and explore new places. I want to go to far off places and make a difference in the lives of those around me and let others make an impact on me. I am in this neverending saga that is only stopped for a fraction of a second at a time when I truly realize how small I am and how big He is and how it's not about me. My prayer is that those fractions of seconds will get bigger...maybe even turn into seconds or even minutes or even hours (yes, hours) or days (whoa, days...crazy). I feel that I am more effective for the Lord when I am in this place of humility. Maybe I am fruitful when I don't even know it, when I don't even feel like it, when I don't like people, when I am grumpy(it does happen), when it's inconvenient. Praise God! I think this might be the case because my friend Michael told me last year that I shouldn't doubt the fact that God uses me. Praise be to God that He can use a broken up selfish people pleasing girl like me because in Him I am His child. ugh. Too good. (that 'ugh' back there was a good one.) So, in summary, I believe that maybe if those moments get longer...that maybe it will be in one of those moments (I mean, the odds get better) that it will happen for me.

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